Your child is spending the night elsewhere. Will they be safe?
At some point, the child you’ve raised and carefully guarded will come up against a difficult situation without you. Are they ready? An overnight trip without you can come with potential threats, but hopefully this interactive scenario prepares you to connect with your child and warn them of possible dangers in a way that is receptive.
What to do when your child goes on an overnight trip
“Your child wants to take an overnight trip supervised by a parent you don’t know well. You said you’d consider it, but you’re worried about drugs.”
There may be more than one correct answer.
Where do you start this conversation with your child?
A) At night, after my child has finished their homework.
A. [Child says:] “I’m too tired to talk about this right now.”
B. [Try Again] Your child may be tired or aggravated at the end of the day and less receptive to what you want to say.
B) Alone in the car.
A. [Child says:] Thanks for driving me.”
B. [Correct] The car is a good, neutral place for conversation. Because everyone is facing forward, there’s no added pressure or confrontation from eye contact.
C) In your child’s room.
A. [Child says:] “None of your business, OK? Just get out of my room.”
B. [Try Again] Going to your child’s room with a sensitive topic may cause your child to feel like they’re being invaded.
D) In the living room.
A. [Child says:] “I’m just doing homework. What’s up?”
B. [Correct] The living room is usually a good, neutral space for conversation. There are few expectations of privacy in the living room.
E) In front of their friends.
A. [Child says:] “You’re not the boss of me!”
B. [Try Again] Starting a sensitive conversation in front of their friends may lead your child to act out or rebel to demonstrate their individuality and disregard for authority.
How do you initiate the conversation about the overnight trip?
A) How are you feeling about your trip?
A. [Child says:] “I’m excited! It’s gonna be so fun!”
B. [Correct] An open-ended, non-judgmental question will encourage your child to respond honestly and fill in as many details as they are comfortable telling you.
B) Who is going with you on this trip?
A. [Child says:] “A few kids from school. You’re met some of them. Mr. Miller will be there too.”
B. [Correct] It’s smart to get more information about the trip, which can allow you to ask further about how your child feels about these people.
C) I really don’t like the idea of you going off without me to supervise.
A. [Child says:] “Umm, OK, so what?”
B. [Try Again] This response presents a problem without a solution, and it sounds judgmental. Your child is almost guaranteed to respond with anger, annoyance, or dismissal.
D) You’re not going to do drugs on the trip, right?
A. [Child says:] “(sarcastic) Yeah, we’re doing lots of drugs. Obviously.”
B. [Try Again] This response is judgmentally pushing your child to say what you want them to say. They will probably lash out and disagree with anything you say.
Child says, “I don’t know what you’re so worried about. There won’t be any drugs there.”
A) Maybe not, but things might be different next time. I want you to be prepared.
A. [Child says:] “Yeah, I guess.”
B. [Correct] Whether this upcoming event will have drugs present or not, you are arming them with knowledge for all future events.
B) Just listen to me.
A. [Child says:] “You’re not listening to me, why should I listen to you?”
B. [Try Again] Asserting your authority as a parent must come with a dose of empathy and respect, or else your child is likely to dismiss you.
C) How do you know that?
A. [Child says:] “You think you know my friends better than I do?”
B. [Try Again] Questioning your child’s statements will likely make them dig their heels in and commit even more to what they say, whether it’s true or not.
D) I experimented with drugs when I was young, and I wish I had more information to make different choices.
A. [Child says:] “Really? I didn’t know that. What happened?”
B. [Correct] If you are comfortable sharing your own experience, it can open conversation and break down barriers. Be warned, however, that your child may ask you for more information than you want to share. Consider your boundaries first.
Child says, “I don’t always feel safe around the people going on this trip.”
A) We should cancel this overnight trip immediately.
A. [Child says:] “What? No! You can’t do that!”
B. [Try Again] It could be best to cancel the trip, but first you should learn more information and make that decision together, rather than decide by yourself.
B) Do the people on this trip ever pressure you to do things you might not want to?
A. [Child says:] “Sometimes.”
B. [Correct] It’s a good idea to get more information by asking open-ended questions, while not judging your child. If your child does feel pressured by other kids, you should keep asking questions and ask your child if they’re comfortable involving another adult in the conversation.
C) Have you ever seen the people on this trip with drugs?
A. [Child says:] “I’m not sure. Maybe.”
B. [Correct] It’s a good idea to get more information by asking questions, while not judging your child. If your child may have seen drugs, you should keep asking questions and ask your child if they’re comfortable involving another adult in the conversation.
D) You shouldn’t talk to them anymore, then.
A. [Child says:] “I don’t care. You’re not the boss of me.”
B. [Try Again] Even if a child can admit that people make them feel uneasy, they probably won’t like being told what to do. It’s better to let your child make that decision for themselves, or else they may associate with those people behind your back.
Child says, “One of the guys staying overnight has lots of prescription pills.”
A) If he has a prescription, I wouldn’t worry about it.
A. [Child says:] “OK.”
B. [Try Again] Having prescription pills doesn’t mean they were rendered by a pharmacist, or prescribed by a healthcare professional. Cheaply and illicitly made, potentially lethal “fentapills” containing fentanyl are disguised as prescription pills and traded on the streets, at schools and sometimes among friends.
B) That worries me. Why does he have so many pills?
A. [Child says:] “Well, I think he has a condition.”
B. [Correct] It’s wise to keep asking questions. These pills could be legitimate, or dangerous counterfeits. Cheaply and illicitly made, potentially lethal “fentapills” containing fentanyl are disguised as prescription pills and traded on the streets, at schools and sometimes among friends.
C) Does he share these pills with people?
A. [Child says:] “I think so, sometimes.”
B. [Correct] It’s smart to dig further into exactly what’s happening, without judging or accusing anyone. If the person in question is sharing pills, ask your child if they’re comfortable sharing this information with other adults.
D) We should call the police.
A. [Child says:] “What? Why?”
B. [Try Again] While it may be smart to involve the police eventually, we don’t have enough information yet. It’s possible the child in question is taking legitimate prescription pills rendered by a pharmacist, and is not sharing them with others.
Child says, “I can do whatever I want. It’s none of your business!”
A) I’m going to take a minute. Let’s talk more about this later.
A. [Child says:] “…”
B. [Correct] If your child gets upset, it could be a good idea to pause the conversation and resume later. Avoid blaming your child for this hiatus and avoid mentioning their heightened emotions. Telling someone to calm down usually makes it worse.
B) When you go somewhere without telling me, I feel powerless to help you, and afraid that you could get hurt.
A. [Child says:] “I… I didn’t know that.”
B. [Correct] Humans identify and connect with vulnerability. It’s difficult to say something like that, but it can open many doors, provided you’re honest with them.
C) You’re not old enough to make those decisions.
A. [Child says:] “I don’t care what you think! I’m old enough!”
B. [Try Again] Challenging your child’s autonomy will probably upset them and make them less receptive to what you have to say. They may even feel provoked to prove their maturity by doing something reckless.
D) I’m your parent. What I say goes.
A. [Child says:] “You’re not the boss of me!”
B. [Try Again] Challenging your child’s autonomy will probably upset them and make them less receptive to what you have to say. They may even feel provoked to prove their independence by doing something reckless.
Tip sheet: How to keep your child safe on overnight trips
Having a clear conversation with your child in preparation for an overnight trip can help your child stay safe on their trip.
Start sensitive conversations in a neutral place, like alone in the car or the living room.
Take an interest in the details of what your child is doing. Who will be there? Will there be adults? Where are they going? How long will they be there? What will they do? Just by asking, you make your child think twice about reckless behavior and the consequences.
Ask questions that put you on the same team, i.e. “How can we keep you safe?”
If your child reacts badly or becomes defensive, take a deep breath and a step back. When anger or judgment come in and defenses go up, a drawbridge can turn into a concrete wall.
People identify and connect with vulnerability. It’s difficult to admit how your child’s behavior makes you feel, but try saying something like, “When you (insert action), I feel (insert emotion).” A statement like this can break down barriers and open communication.
Pills you didn’t receive from a pharmacist could be lethal. Cheaply and illicitly made “fentapills” containing fentanyl are disguised as prescription pills and traded on the streets, at schools and sometimes among friends. In 2021, fentanyl was involved in 77% of teen overdose deaths.
If your child might be a witness to opioid use, encourage them to acquire, carry and learn to administer naloxone. It could save someone's life.
