What to do if you are concerned your child might be using substances

Adolescence is a time filled with opportunities for growth and learning. The exploration and development of self, self-identity and social connectivity is happening at a rapid pace during the teenage years. The teen brain is in the process of maturing and is more focused on rewards and taking risks than the adult brain. As teens push parents for greater freedom as they explore their personality, they have the opportunity to have healthy experiences such as trying new sports or hobbies, taking on a new job, or meeting new friends. They could also make unhealthy choices, including substance use and other risky behaviors that increase potential for harm. This makes parenting teens a challenging tightrope.  

Teens who experiment with drugs and other substances put their health and safety at risk. The teen brain is particularly vulnerable to being rewired by substances that overload the reward circuits in the brain. If we can delay substance use until after the brain is fully developed (in the mid-20s), we can nearly eliminate the risk of long-term substance use disorders.  

Drug experimentation and use today involves risks previous generations didn’t have to navigate due to the potency of today’s substances and the ease of availability. Writing off youth drug use as a “rite of passage” or “teenage experimentation” can lead to catastrophic and sometimes irreversible consequences with today’s more dangerous drug landscape.  

If you suspect your child may be using substances, it is important to engage in conversations early. Consider these strategies for having a productive conversation with your child:  

• Pause and take a breath. Do not dismiss your gut instincts. Small changes in your child’s behavior matter. 

• Notice changes in your child’s mood, behavior, friendships, or physical appearance. Pay attention to early warning signs that may indicate experimentation, but don’t jump to conclusions. Observe rather than try to diagnose. If you see changes, make a plan to investigate them.  

• Use changes as conversation starters. Instead of accusations, use observations (“I’ve noticed…”) to open a dialogue. Avoid accusations. Lead with love and compassion.  

• Ask open-ended questions & listen more than you speak. Acting with calm curiosity helps shift the emphasis from lecturing to understanding. It builds trust and makes it more likely your child will share. The goal is to understand if your child is using substances and why—in a way that leaves the door open for future conversations.  

• Let your child know you’re a safe person to come to and that you’d like to be a source of support. Letting them know your goal is to keep them safe lowers the fear of “getting in trouble.”  

• Talk about and model positive ways to handle stress. Substance use often starts as a way to cope. Teach your kids healthy habits before risky habits take hold. 

Kids learn more from what they see than what they’re told. When parents show healthy ways to handle stress, frustration, or big emotions, children start to internalize those behaviors as their own. This builds confidence, stronger emotional regulation, and better decision-making as they get older. Positive coping strategies—like talking through feelings, taking a break, asking for help, or calming your body naturally—show your child that challenges can be managed without turning to risky behaviors.By modeling these skills, you’re not just teaching your child what to do—you’re giving them a roadmap for how to navigate tough situations throughout their teen years  and beyond. 

• You don’t need all the answers—just show up with calm curiosity. This removes pressure on parents to “fix” everything. Presence and connection is the most important first step.  

• If your child has only engaged in substance use once or twice, remind your child about your family’s rules around substance use, and why those rules are in place. Remind them that brain development continues into their mid-20s and these rules are in place to keep them healthy and safe as they move into adulthood. For some kids, setting boundaries and giving them healthy alternatives may be enough to get them back on the right path.     

Consider professional mental health support if your teen:  

• Talks about feeling hopeless  

• Shows signs of self-harm  

• Mentions thoughts of suicide  

• Shows signs of substance use    

Your doctor or school counselor can recommend someone who works specifically with teens.    Getting help early builds resilience and can prevent teens from turning to substances to cope with emotional pain—an especially critical safeguard in today's world of unprecedented drug risks.    For additional information:

• How Do I Make Conversations About Drug Use Feel Safe | The New Drug Talk

• How Do I Help My Teen Build Positive Self-Image?

• How to Help Your Teen Practice Healthy Coping | The New Drug Talk

• How Do I Help My Child Build Resilience? | The New Drug Talk

• What To Do When You Think Something’s Wrong | The New Drug Talk

• How to Talk to Your Kids About Drugs | Partnership to End Addiction

References: Olivia Rae Wright, MD; Jill Pearson, MD; Laura Murph, MD